4 Tricks To Communicate With Your Husband
They always say that men are from Mars and women are from Venus, which is a nicer way of saying that there will be marriage communication problems. It serves to remind you that despite that popular phrase, the truth is that you are both human beings, with different upbringing and interests. It is by fate that you met each other and established a married relationship. Communication is a crucial part in maintaining any relationships. Making sure that the message you send is the same message he receives can be an interesting challenge. Most arguments start is when the message gets lost, or is misinterpreted.
Here are four tricks to communicating with your husband, some by expert advice, others come from experience. You can try using the tricks to start, but eventually you will realize what makes him listen or react. After a while, there will be more ways to communicate with your husband effectively, once you realize which one works best and evolve from there.
A lot of wives use this trick to communicate with their husbands without fighting, especially when it comes to going to the doctors. You can say things like “if your car needs a yearly oil check, you should have a yearly health check” and so on. Those who prefer gaming analogy usually prefers the term “run diagnostics”. No matter how you say it, make sure your husband gets the drift. Men typically avoid doctors until things become serious, unlike female who are more diligent in looking after own health.
This is not like throwing hints, but explaining in terms which he may understand better. Cars, computers or work analogy can work, the only problem is that you have to learn it. Simple but effective, if that fails, you might have to resort to other ways such as pictorials. Trying to be in your spouse’s’ shoe, maybe he is afraid of being told some bad news? Or is he trying to downplay the problem he has. Offer to go with him, or say that the mechanic can tell you what needs fixing, and fix it sooner to avoid breakdowns in the future.
Approach him with analogies, but keep in mind that he may respond in the same way: using the analogy you provided. When you say he needs a yearly oil check, he may respond that the engine is running smooth, and therefore do not need a mechanic. It may not be worthwhile to force the issue, eventually he might realize that keeping himself (the car) in tip top shape is worth it, and will go to the doctors without you forcing.
‘Please’ and ‘thank you’ goes a long way, husbands also respond to a gentle touch. Most marriage counselors advocate for couples to be polite. Remember the sweet times when you first met your husband, and you both were willing to do much for each other? How often did you say the magic words then, compared to after you were married? People forget to be polite after marriage, but the magic words are more important and ever, because a request will sound like an order without the word ‘please’.
When you are ordered to do something, you will not do it with pleasure. Husbands do not like to be nagged and henpecked into doing things, because they are basically adults with a child’s emotions. Having a kind voice when you ask is important to elicit a positive response. And like children, do not expect an immediate reaction. Husbands will get around to it when he wants to, try not to nag. When he is free, gently remind him with the sweetest tone about your request.
In addition to getting your husband to not be defensive during a conversation, you can teach your children how to be polite by example. Show that that being polite is a nice thing to do, and it also gets things done. Polite people elicit a better response overall, not just at home. Politeness being a gateway to effective communication to anyone, not just your husband.
Get His Attention
Before you even start a conversation, make sure your husband is listening. This trick to communicate with a husband who will not is important. Especially if you notice that his mother is either a nagger or someone who cannot stop talking. Usually if the parents love to talk, chances are the kids are masters at switching off. Hence your in-laws are your first clue in learning how your husband ticks. From there, you can easily pick up cues where he is no longer paying attention, such as a nodding head or staring into space.
Once you know his ‘switch off’ pose, you can gain his attention before you start communicating. Most experts recommend a soft touch on the back or shoulder, so that he returns to reality. If he is too far away, calling his name might help. When he responds, start your request. Make it short and sweet, and ask if it is okay. A long silence might not be a good answer, but usually husbands would quick to tell you what he thinks when he is listening.
During desperate times, there are some wives who would utilize seduction and communicate romantically. Most start with a seductive voice or a secret eye contact to arouse attention. Then they will do the request followed by a promise of a reward, most husbands seem to like this method. But you would have to make good of your promise, or else he will cry foul. Of course, if you want something done, do not get him to pay attention to you angrily. Try not to provoke him, or call mean names, it might get his attention, but you will gain nothing.
Make Him a Hero
Everyone likes to be a hero, hence treating him like one is an effective way ask for help when communicating with your husband. Just be careful not to overdo it, because sometimes your husband will suffer from an over-inflated ego. Once you get his attention, you can start telling them what is on your mind. Husbands usually have a need to fix things, that is where communication starts. Do not be defensive, give his points some thoughts before replying. You have different points of view, hence you are having a conversation.
After you have what you need, you could always end the conversation on a positive remark. “I know I can count on you to help” is a good one, or a simple “I know you have my back” will make your husband a happy man. Even if he does not help you solve the problem knowing that he helped in some little way makes him feel useful and heroic. When things go south, you can always remind him that even heroes have setbacks, and encourage him to push on.
People love to feel appreciated and treated with respect, so it is important to treat your husband with respect. Once he feels that he is an important person in your life, your husband will more likely be a better communicator. Feeling positive reactions and emotions can be a rewarding experience, and good feedback will encourage your husband to be more willing to help and talk things out. Plus, having a hero to look after you is not such a bad idea.