Dating a Pastor – 11 Dos and Don’ts

11 Rules For Dating a Pastor

Pastors are revered and expected to exhibit high moral values and virtues. But, what we forget is that aside from being pastors they are human beings just like anyone of us. Before getting married, pastors also enter into relationships, and the results can be good, bad, or ugly like any normal relationship. The only difference is that unlike any normal relationship, pastors keep their dating life secret until it finally ends in a marriage. So if you are thinking of dating a pastor, here are your dos and don’ts.



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Dating A Pastor: Tips and Tricks

1. Keep it a Secret if you are Dating a Pastor

You are very excited that he proposed to you and want to blow it out to the world. Please, hold on! You cannot go around announcing your relationship with the pastor. It is also not yet time to introduce him/her to friends and family until he proposes to make you a life partner. Once you are certain the relationship can end in marriage, you can now introduce him/her to family and friends.

2. You are not Supposed to Sit on the Altar

Some things are meant for the pastor’s spouse alone and not a mere girlfriend or boyfriend. Sitting close to him on the alter is one of the things reserved for a legally married partner.

Some churches do not even allow spouses to sit on the altar; they sit among the congregation. So please leave the altar for him when just dating. Don’t also try to assume the position of “armor barrier” seeing to the safety of your partner.

3. Stop Posing as a Legit Spouse

Don’t forget yourself! You are just dating and not a legitimate wife so please stop posing as one. It would be best if you behave just as a girlfriend and stop already assuming the position of the church mother. You would rather be causing a stir, and that can be dangerous.

4. He is not Obliged to Acknowledge You

Don’t go boiling up when he/she refuses to acknowledge you as a partner. Wait, how do they even acknowledge you and as what? A high moral value is expected from them, and they have a reputation to keep. So know that they can’t go about acknowledging you because they don’t know when the relationship will break.

I am not trying to be a prophet of doom, but if the relationship is to break, how do they introduce their new partner? How will the church regard a pastor who keeps acknowledging a new partner every six months?

5. Don’t Think they are Hiding the Relationship

The fact that they have not introduced you as a partner doesn’t mean they are not serious about the relationship. He/she is waiting for the right time to do that. So if he ignores your presence don’t go about nagging. As I said, you are just dating and not yet a wife. Moreover, remember, there is no place for boyfriend or girlfriend in the church.

6. The new Social Media Craze

Let me quickly add this. The new social media craze has become a medium people use to broadcast their issues including relationships. You can’t go broadcasting your relationship with the pastor on social media.

As I said in point one, your relationship is a private affair so keep it as such. Updating your Facebook relationship status with his/her name wouldn’t add anything to the relationship.

7. Don’t Marry Him/her Because of the Profession

It is a terrible mistake to marry someone because of his or her profession. Hello, you are getting married to the human being and not the profession. So, if you think the pastor is anointed or popular and that makes him/her a good marriage material, forget it! I have no doubts if his/her anointing attracted you! But make sure you have some things in common outside the church.

8. His Office is not an Extension of the House

I am very serious about this, and it is time “would be spouses” stop doing it. The office is for church affairs and not an extension of your house. So, stop going in and out of his/her office as if you are visiting your washroom. If you have personal issues to discuss, the office is not the right place.

9. No Argument before a Sermon

For God sake, please don’t start a “beef” with the pastor before he gives the sermon. Let him/her have the peace of mind and a clear conscience to deliver the word of God. You can save any argument until you get home.

10. Manage Your Expectations if you are Dating a Pastor

Your relationship with the pastor wouldn’t necessarily end up in marriage. So, if you have such an expectation, you better start reconsidering it. Just like any other relationship, dating a pastor can also end in break up and when that happens, don’t go around slandering him/her. You may be the cause of the breakup, so keep the bad blood to yourself.

Don’t get Mad If He/she Fail to Attend to a Date

Pastors have many responsibilities to attend to each day. They need to take care of the church and its members so planning a date around their daily schedule wouldn’t always work.

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Remember that for some pastors, the church always comes first before anytime else. So in the case, they fail to attend a date, don’t go about ranting.

11. Don’t be Acting Jealousy

For our information, he is a pastor and has been called to minister to both men and women. You, therefore, have no right to prevent other women from getting near him. Don’t forget your status of just being his “girlfriend” and not a wife. Even his wife cannot prevent other women from seeing him, how much more you?

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If you are dating a pastor or yet to date one, the most important thing to keep in mind is that “you are not yet a legitimate spouse so don’t act like one.” As also stated, the pastor is not angels thrown out from heaven to be flawless. They have blood running through their veins, so learn how to manage your expectations.

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