How One Word Helped Me to Believe in Love Again
First, it was the separation, then it was multiple failed dates. I felt despised, unwanted. It was hard to pick myself up from the failed relationships. I felt unworthy of being in love, and asked myself why anyone would want me? I was not attractive, not a size zero and have nothing exciting to offer to any potential partners. Why bother looking for relationships, and why try? It will end in tears anyway.
It was easier to be alone, and I was happy not having love. I was done believing in love. Gone are the days where I would diligently hit the gym and sweat it out. Looking presentable was still important for work, but there are no issues in me gaining weight. My diet was in shambles; I would eat whatever I want, and not worry about my health. I was mentally drained, emotionally unwell and physically sick. Friends and family were worried about my well being, rightfully so, I was spiraling into the abyss of self- loath. How could I believe that love is real?
I Found A Word
It was one of those Facebook word search quizzes that I have found the word. A word that helped me to believe in love again. The word was kindness, and it was the first word I saw in that word search. It prompted me to dig deep into myself and reconsider my outlook towards life. Apparently, I do not love myself. Moreover, I am not kind to myself. Kindness is a word that I had forgotten in my quest to find love. Now, it has taken a mainstay of my life’s mantra.
The definition of kindness is the quality of being friendly, generous and considerate. Three of the attributes that are missing in my life. I was not a friendly person anymore and hardly considered my own condition. I had given up on being kind to myself. It was easy to forget that I have needs too! Finding the word had made me realize that it is not too late to change.
Being Kind to Myself
I started going back to the gym, and my diet returned to a healthier state. I no longer find the need to count calories, but choosing food that is good for my body becomes a priority. I was generous with words of encouragement, telling myself that I am capable, lovable and dependable. It was awkward initially, but the more I practiced, the easier it got. Making a list of things that I am good at, and things that need improving helped me focus.
Another way I was kind to myself, is that I no longer stressed that I will be worthy to be loved. I learned to love myself, learning to do so was a challenge. Media frequently tells people that their self- worth is measured by how other people see them. It was hurting my self-esteem, hence my self- confidence took a plunge. I realize now that, when I consider my own needs more, I come to love myself more.
A Special Journey
It took a while, but I finally got where I want myself to be; happy. Kindness was the word I found to help me believe in love again. This time, I believe that I can love myself. My journey was not a smooth one; there were many times that I doubted myself. Fortunately, my family was supportive of my endeavors. Me being kind to myself helped me become a better person overall, and they saw that. My friends saw my positive changes, and encourage me to keep on the path that I had chosen.
During my journey, I took myself where I want to go. I challenged myself, achieved my goals and enjoyed the success of my hard work. Makeup and dress ups are to make me to look beautiful, not to attract attention, but to shine as myself. I made more friends, as being kind to myself had helped me to become a kinder person to others. I no longer felt emotionally drained and was more ready to socialize and have a good time.
I no longer looked for someone to love me, but the person arrived. While I was looking out for myself, the World had arranged for someone who loves me the way I am. Someone who knows that I can never be a size zero and was all right with it. Someone who knows that I love sweets, and would appear with a cupcake or dark chocolate when I feel down. Somehow, when I was not looking, it came looking for me. That is how love is.
People say that I glow from within, that I am genuinely a happy person and it felt good to be near me. Because I was kind to myself, I can easily forgive myself for being the imperfect being. I no longer have to beat myself up for my misgivings and accept that I can change for the better. Not being critical helped, I was always offering kind words of encouragement to others who are feeling down.
I am not always happy, but dark clouds tend not to linger. Life may not be all sunshine, but I see the rainbow after a storm. My friends and family are happy because I turned out better than I was. Some even say that I am a source of inspiration, prove that being kind to myself is loving and accepting who I am as a whole. The positive feeling can be addictive and allows me to help people achieve their goal to be a better person.
Then Love Found Me
The word “kindness” helped me to believe in love again; I used that belief to love myself. By loving myself, I open myself up to many positive experiences. Looking back at my failed relationships, and how desperate I was to find love, I realized that it was not meant to be. I cannot ask someone else to love me if I do not believe in loving myself. My self- esteem had been an issue, as I tend to be a follower than a proper partner.
In a relationship, some people expect an equal contribution. It can be emotionally draining if your partner expects to receive love but fail to provide it. In my case, I was expecting love to be a miracle cure for my low confidence. In many cases, I was a burden to the other person. Hence my relationships had failed.
With all the positive energy surrounding me, it is easy to see that I no longer need other people to love me to feel special. Love found me because I am ready to share the love that I have found with someone. Having more self- confidence allows me to be in a healthier relationship, one that makes me whole.
How kindness helped me to believe in love again is a personal story that I would like to share with you. There are many words in the dictionary, and every individual will find one that can help. If you think that this word can help you believe, try it today. Kindness is a word that makes the world a better place. It encourages friendliness, generosity, and thoughtfulness. Being kind to yourself will help you learn how to love yourself more.