2 Things to Know About Texting and Dating
Just imagine it: a man goes to a woman’s father’s house to ask permission to see his daughter publicly and officially. The father agrees, and the man proceeds to come over once a week or so to spend time with the daughter in the parent’s company or take the daughter out somewhere in the company of a chaperone.
Letters may be transmitted between the two. There could be secret looks and glances and perhaps even the hidden hand shake or the stolen kiss. People would sit and talk and look into each other’s eyes. They would see how the individual interacted with others and how their mouth moved or read the words from their lover’s written letter. They would eagerly await the next communication and had no idea when it could be! This is what dating was like back in the day probably 100 or so years ago.
But, alas this is not how it is today. It’s not all bad. So many positive things have come out of the drastic change in the dating world. People are freer to do what they want, to be themselves, and to go out with people they want to go out with. But, something we have lost in many ways, is the art of face-to-face verbal communication.
Today, people tremble at the thought of going out on a date and talking to someone. They don’t know how to sit down with someone and enjoy their conversation. Instead, we deal via the internet. We text, we send emojis, we email, we facebook, and we make phone calls.
There are so many ways to communicate with someone today, but nothing can rival the feeling of opening a long awaited letter after an extended amount of time without communication. A letter takes concentration and purpose. Someone must pour themselves into the letter. Therefore it is more special than the two seconds it takes to write a quick text. But, I digress.
Either way, texting has become a part of our lives. And, it interferes with our love lives in more ways than expected. There is an innumerable amount of information on the internet about this topic such as: “What do his texts mean?” “How long do I wait before I text back?” and “What emojis are appropriate for a fling?”. One can simply type one’s texting query into Google and will receive a host of useful information, but I think it’s easier to narrow it down to simply two tips.
It keeps things clean and easy to remember. Imagine trying to read through and memorize 15 tips on how to text appropriately. It would be exhausting! Use the following two tips to understand and deal with the complexities of texting and dating.
1. Don’t text too much
It can be extremely tempting to text. It’s also very easy when a lot of people today meet via the internet, or if they do meet in person will use texting to get the date scheduled while also at the same time to feel the other person out. But, it is advised to not text too much before the date, and here’s why.
Texting is like an unreal picture of communication. It’s the fastest and easiest way to get information across. People aren’t taking a lot of time to construct useful and significant messages that tell the other person about their personality and inner self. They use it to construct a type of persona: someone who’s relaxed, confident, and flirty. It can be easy to fool someone into thinking that one is someone other than what they are via text. One can portray any personality they want to. But, people can’t hide when communication and interaction
One can portray any character they want to. But, people can’t hide when communication and interaction are arranged in real life and face-to-face. While, yes, people wear masks in uncomfortable situations and try to hide things, etc.; it’s a lot hard to do so in real life. Often people will go out on their first date with someone with whom they’ve frequently texted and realized they’re not the same person! So, that’s where it gets dangerous.
Always opt for real life interaction and communication over the texting persona. Also, with texting, people make assumptions about how someone intends their message to be received. In most cases, it can be misconstrued! And, it’s better to get a good solid footing with the person by spending
Also, with texting, people make assumptions about how someone intends their message to be received, and many times it can be misconstrued! And, it’s better to get a good solid footing with the person by spending with them to see if they’re the right choice for a relationship.
2. Don’t use texting as the measurement tool
Some couples text each other all the time, but when they’re together, they’re both just on their phones and don’t enjoy the time spent together or don’t even have a fulfilling relationship. And, then there are couples who hardly ever text or call each other when they’re apart. However, when they do get together, they enjoy each other’s company and savor the real life time they have together.
Texting can be a smokescreen. It portrays something that may not be real, and it can also cause a lot of confusion and frustration and even fights. And, if people have different “texting needs,” there can be arguments about how often to text each other or what to say via text and blah, blah, blah.
So, it’s wise to measure the health or worth of the relationship by the texting quality or texting frequency. Measure the relationship with real life situations i.e. how the couple interacts, how they speak to each other, how much fun is had, how enriching they are for each other’s lives, etc. Texting should never be used as a ruler for how well the relationship is doing. That’s just asking for trouble.
Each person in the relationship should take the time to communicate their feelings about texting. For example, one partner may not like to text and would prefer real life communication, even if that means not texting each other for a few days and just enjoying each other’s company when there is a chance to spend time together. Or perhaps, one person would like certain texts throughout the day.
Either way, communication should be open about this, so that resentment doesn’t build. But, why not go back to the way relationships were done in the past? Relationships where people savored and enjoyed and looked forward to enjoying each other’s company instead of constructing humorous and flirty texts to convey messages.
Also, before the relationship even begins, avoid using texting and other web-based communication before enough real life interaction has occurred could be detrimental to the health and quality of the relationship. Even though it goes against the grain of our current society and dating expectations, and even if it can be a little nerve-wracking, try to hold off from the texting, and enjoy the complexities and intimacy that comes from face-to-face conversation and interaction. Why not?
The relationship will have the potential to have more depth, quality, and both people will be more connected. While dating in today’s world can be difficult. Especially with all of the texting etiquette there is out there, go back to the old days, and try dating organically. Texting can then be used as an easy to way to communicate simple messages. Enjoy the potential for better relationships!