6 Marriage Advice You Need to Steer Clear Off
Not all Advice is Good Advice. This especially holds true in case of marriage advice. When you are a newly married couple, you will receive tons of marriage advice from all corners of the world. Be it in the form of wedding presents or while talking to your friend/relative on the phone; everyone seems to be eager to share their bit of experience with you. Since you are on the threshold of a new life, you are all ears for all kinds of advice you can get to make your marriage work.
However, unfortunately, some marriage advice can break havoc on your relationship instead of cementing the bond. They appear to be good advice but, when you start looking deeper, you’ll find that this marriage advice is unhealthy and potentially destructive for your marriage. To make things easy for you, we have compiled a list of the worst marital relationship tips and advice you can receive and which you should never follow:
1. Love is all you need
There is no doubt that love is the building block of every relationship. But the type of love that makes a relationship healthy is the one based on mutual admiration and respect. If you love your partner with all your heart, but your partner is not capable of giving back even 50% of it, then your marriage is definitely in a mess.
In a happy and successful marriage, love can never be one-sided. Both the partners should be able to love each other and value it too. Unreciprocated love will make it hard for you to overcome the hardships that will arise in your relationship. In addition to love, we all need emotional and financial stability in our lives.
Every successful relationship is successful for the same reasons. A partner who fails to provide it to us will also be a failure in marriage. Both the partners have to make equal efforts in making a marriage work. It is a myth that love itself can conquer all!
2. Love-making roots out all evils
One of the most common marital relationship advice for couples is that sex is the cure for all problems you face in your marital life. Though physical intimacy right after an argument or fight can provide a calming effect on both the partners, it will never be a solution to the problems.
For solving the problems in your relationship, the two of you need to exercise your communication skills and talk to each other about it. Love-making is not a magic potion that will keep marital conflicts at bay. You and your partner must make legitimate efforts to sort out your differences and strengthen your bond of love.
3. Do not let the sun go down on your anger
This is the very first scripture you’re told by your parents and relatives and also the one which you most often misuse in your marriage. We all have arguments, fights in our marriages. Some get resolved within a few minutes while others can take longer. But as per the holy marriage advice, we must never go to bed angry!!
To abide by this piece of unsolicited marital advice, we keep fighting off sleep at midnight and try and talk things out with our partners who have already wandered off into the land of sleep. At this instance, when we keep pestering our tired partners and wake them up with our nagging, they may blurt out something that can infuriate you more or hurt you.
Thus, not going to bed angry can simply add insult to injury. It is always better to not pay any attention to this piece of advice. Enjoy your sleep time and try to solve the problems the next day with a fresh mind. The problem may even appear smaller in broad daylight.
4. Man is the breadwinner; the woman is the homemaker
These bits of marital advice seem to come right out of the television sets that still air the serials from the 50s. But in the modern era, such gender-based roles are of no use. Gone are the days when a couple used to get divorced just because the woman of the house earned more than the man.
There’s no point in paying heed to such orthodox advice and ruining your marriage. In today’s times, men and women are at par with each other. Women have the complete right to earn a livelihood for themselves as well as for their family.
Men, on the other hand, must equally share the responsibilities of running the household. Men must remember that there’s no shame in raising your kids, doing the dishes, cooking, etc. If you wish to have a stable marriage, you must immediately bid goodbye to the ideologies of the 50s.
5. Your kids and spouse should always come first
What is important in relationships? In marriage, compromise nurtures the relationship. But compromise needs to be mutual, not as a form of self-sacrifice. A relationship is a give-and-take relationship. But giving up too much will make you lose yourself. Learn to draw the lines. Your spouse is important and making them feel happy is essential but not at the cost of your happiness. Happy marriages are made up of two happy people who decide to stay together.
In addition to making your spouse your priority, you may even be advised that you must stay in a marriage for the sake of your kids. Many couples spend years in an unhappy marriage just because they feel that they are doing it for the happiness of their kids.
However, kids who grow up seeing their parents fake a smile develop a natural hatred towards the idea of marriage. You should never fake your happiness and relationship in front of your child. If in spite of all your efforts, you continue to remain unhappy in your marriage, walk away. Don’t tolerate a partner who brings malaise in your life just for the sake of your children.
6. Life is too short to stay in an unhappy relationship
This advice on relationships problem may seem to be the perfect reason to put a full stop to your relationship. But letting go of the one you love the most for a silly argument can be the worst decision of your lifetime. We are living in a time when most of the couples prefer to take the more natural way out, i.e., divorce.
They believe more in replacing things and less in fixing them. But, never be too quick to give up on your marriage. It is possible for a couple to come back from the brink of a breakup. But only when both the partners do their part in bringing healing to the relationship.
The most important thing to remember is every relationship is unique and so is your marriage. What worked for your parents, for your siblings or your friend’s wedding may not work for you. You have to sift through the marriage advice and learn from your own experiences. Ultimately, it is you and your partner who have to find out what works for you. Also, what aspects of your marriage you need to work on.