Understanding the Values of Your Partner
Knowing how your partner thinks can go a long way in a relationship. People quite often go about their day to day business, only thinking about themselves, without even realizing it. By helping your partner get what they want, you’ll get what you want!
Think about what Your Partner Likes
Have you ever stopped to think why you head in one direction at the shopping mall and your partner wants to go in another? It can be very boring if your partner wants to shop in stores you don’t want to go to, and vice versa.
Each person has their value system. This means a list that goes from most important to least important things. It doesn’t matter who you are, or what your interests are, you have a values system.
You might love to shop for clothes. That might be number one on your list. You might hate computer games, so that would be right down near the bottom. You get the picture, right?
It won’t take you long to see what’s high on your partner’s priority list. Do they love to shop for clothes, do they love to read books (if so, what subjects), or do they love going to the football? Do they love shopping online?
If your partner can do what they love to do, they feel happy and fulfilled. By offering it to them on a platter, they’ll be happy with you and appreciate you. For instance, if you love clothes and your partner loves computer games, when you go to the shopping mall next, find the computer game shop, and suggest that your partner go in and have a browse while you go to the clothing store to shop.
By cheerfully allowing your partner to do something they like doing, it’s better for both of you. There is nothing worse for your partner than if you drag them around all over the shopping mall and make them go to shops they have no interest in, or worse still, leave them sitting out the front doing nothing while you go inside and have a great time. This only causes resentment down the track.
Does your partner ever want to watch the football but you don’t let them, or you get grumpy because it doesn’t interest you? Why not organize a night for them to watch the football, and possibly have one or a couple of their mates come over and watch the game as well? You could organize a visit or night out with your friends doing something you want to do.
Or, if you want to sit at home and have a beautiful night on your own watching a romantic movie and eating chocolate biscuits, suggest in advance to your partner something they could do that you know they would love to do.
Don’t Try and Change your Partner
The one thing you mustn’t try and do is change your partner or force your values system on them. This will cause resentment, and the relationship won’t last.
Just because you like something, doesn’t mean your partner will. If you love shopping but your partner hates it, don’t drag them all over the shopping mall with you. Go on your own, or with a friend who loves to shop as well. Another alternative would be for your partner to go and see a movie while you go shopping. Meet up afterward for coffee!
When you meet a person, one of the most important things is to make sure you’re okay with their values. You need to accept people for who they are. If you’re not happy with the person they are, then nicely move on. Don’t think you can change them to be and do what you like. Even if they change in the short term to try and please you, it won’t stay that way. If they’re doing something not high on their values, they’ll soon go back to how they are.
It is far better to accept a person for who they are and support their likes and dislikes. Also, have them treat you the same way. They will love you all the more for it if you’re not nagging them all the time, but encouraging them to do what they love.
There needs to be a common ground where you both love doing some things the same so you can enjoy spending time together, but on other occasions, your partner will appreciate it if you encourage them to do other things they enjoy while you go off and do things that you enjoy.
Relationships are a two-way street and require work, but with an understanding that you both work to your individual values systems, it will help you immensely in keeping a happy, harmonious relationship.