Why Couples In Long-Term Relationships Break Up?
Couples break up for a lot of reasons, depending on the couple. But there are many that are common in lots of relationships, and if people know these common issues that lead to breakups, it could maybe prevent relationships from ending or even stop bad relationships from the beginning.
First off, it’s important to mention that relationships are living, breathing things. They take time, effort, and patience to flourish and thrive. The main issue is that once people have been in relationships for a long time, they often let things go and stop trying. They think they don’t have to anymore. That starts relationships on a wrong track. Check out the following ten reasons for breakups.
1. Lack Of Effort
Once people get comfortable and into a habit, they often stop trying and stop working hard. That’s because things get easy, and now that the hard work of finding a partner is over, they think they don’t need to do any more work. But, if one person gives up on trying to keep the spark going or the romance and connection alive, then the relationship begins to decay.
2. Lack Of Communication
This is a big one. Now, some people can go overboard and share too much and all the time, but often, people go the other way. They don’t share their feelings, express their emotions, or talk about things they need to discuss. Sometimes silence is best, but if there are problems, partners need to share with each other. That way, they can work on things and fix whatever problems there are.
For example, if a partner has a need that is not being met, they should share with their partner. That way, the other partner understands their needs and can work to meet them. It releases tension, and it also releases the build-up and emotional pain that accrues if the communication doesn’t happen! If the relationship is spent “holding things in”, it only makes it worse later!
Life is tough, but what’s great about relationships is that two people can be there for each other: guiding, encouraging, and supporting along the way. But, things can start to get dramatically worse if one or even both partners regularly bring a negative energy to the partnership. Life isn’t always a patch of roses, but it’s important to try and remain positive because there are good things in life too! And those good things should be nurtured and encouraged. It always helps relationships if each person brings their best selves in.
4. Lack Of Kindness And Manners
Just because someone is one’s partner, they should still be treated with respect and kindness. Often, people forget that that is the one person they SHOULD be kind to. People get so comfortable that they are harsh to their partners and let it become a habit. But, the partner is a human too and desires the love, appreciation, and respect for the other partner.
This will alleviate all kinds of issues that couples have. For men, they can do little things such as listen to their partner’s venting, open doors, pull out chairs, offer to help carry something heavy. For women, it can be to know when to end the argument, use kind and encouraging words, and go out of their way to do something special. Sometimes the little things go a LONG way.
5. Opposite Goals
Sadly, at times two people find each other and love each other, but their lives are going separate ways. If possible, people may try to work things out and compromise to be able to save the relationship. One person may love to travel and want to live in another country, but their partner wants to stay in the home country. Or, one person may have decided to convert to a different religion that the other partner doesn’t agree with.
Or, a very common one is one partner may want children, and the other doesn’t. Some things can be compromised but some cannot. Each person should decide what they are willing to give up, and if there are things they can’t compromise on, the relationship ends or is a long and bitter one.
6. Money Problems
This is one that people don’t often think about, but it’s a huge issue. It could be the issues of whether one partner doesn’t make enough, or one partner comes from a background of wealth, and the other doesn’t, or one partner only cares about money and wants to work all the time. Also, it could be that each person in the partnership has a different view on saving money and how money should be spent.
Someone who’s tight-fisted won’t do well with someone who wants to travel or go out to eat a lot. Whatever it may be, money can get in the way. It’s a sensitive subject for many people, and a lot of times, it doesn’t get worked out between couples. So, these money difficulties can kill a relationship.
7. Emotional Baggage
We all have things we carry around with us, whether we realize it or not. It could be bad past relationships, bad family life, or even just bad past experiences that affect our emotions and lives in the present. If we had a bad relationship, it can have a negative effect on the new one. We can expect too much from our partner, or we can assume our partner is doing something wrong. They can feel hurt and defensive and like they have to walk on eggshells.
Also, people can have a lot of insecurity issues that get dragged into a relationship. No one wants to be with someone who hates themselves or feel like they’re not good enough. They want to be with someone who’s happy, enjoys life, and appreciates themselves. Life is hard enough without bringing insecurity problems into the mix.
So, before getting into a relationship, make sure that emotional baggage and insecurity issues are worked through. Consider getting a counselor to help work these issues out. Each person should bring their best selves to the relationship to make it strong and healthy.
It isn’t right to use another person as a life crutch to support oneself. We should all learn to stand on our own before getting into a good relationship. Many times, people let their emotional life fall by the wayside, and they come to a relationship without their strength and stability.
8. Stubbornness/Lack Of Flexibility Or Adaptability
Things hardly ever go as planned in this crazy life of ours, so it’s essential to be able to be flexible to all of the life’s ebbs and flows. It goes better for the person as an individual and in a relationship. But, if one person is stubborn and is never willing to adapt or compromise to situations or to their partner, then there is a real problem. They will hit a roadblock in all relationships unless they want to be with a pushover.
There are good things to be rigid and stubborn about, but when arguments ensue about the lack of compromise or flexibility, take a step back and see how to fix the problem. Is one person being too staunch about their feelings and needs to relax? Or does the other person need to be more firm about something? Relationships are all about compromise and adaptability, so if one person doesn’t have that skill and isn’t willing to learn, then that relationship is doomed to failure.
This is an obvious one, but people may be surprised at the amount of abuse that occurs within relationships that aren’t ending and are, on the outside, looking healthy and strong! Often, we think of abuse as a man stumbling home one night in a drunken state and hitting his partner. But, it can be so much more than that. It can be physical, of course, but it can also be emotional and psychological which is often easy to miss, but can do much worse damage. No one should be in a relationship where they are treated as less than human and aren’t given the respect that everyone deserves.
Abuse is unacceptable in any form, and while we are all humans and make mistakes, there are some things which are inexcusable. Abuse is a definite relationship killer. It shows that the abuser has issues they need to work out in themselves and should not be in a relationship at the moment.
Sadly, this is more common than people think. And, it isn’t just men, although women believe it is sometimes. Infidelity is a sign that there’s something wrong in the relationship that the people in it aren’t able or aren’t willing to work out. And, someone makes the mistake of choosing the easy way out of cheating to either get their needs fulfilled, give in to temptation, or maybe even hurt their partner. It’s like a poison.
It kills the connection and spirit of the relationship, and while sometimes people move on and work it out, there can be a deep-seated fear and resentment that remains. This is where communication comes in. One needs to communicate and be honest with one’s partner to be able to state where temptation lies, or to be able to work out whatever issue there is that my lead to infidelity.
All of these problems are super common relationship killers that occur in many relationships. It is important to note that everyone is human and makes silly mistakes, sometimes big ones, but each person should decide what they’re willing to compromise on. Bring a confident and understanding spirit to relationships, and things will be smoother.
But, don’t use a relationship to feel secure or to lean on someone entirely to help get through life. Relationships should be fun, and a plus, not something that’s just existing or that’s there for selfish reasons. Keep these problems in mind when heading into a new relationship. While relationships are tough, millions and millions of people are experiencing successful ones every day!