9 Recommended Ways To Tell the Kids You Are Getting A Divorce
Divorce a tough, overwhelming and more so a heartbreaking topic for your little ones. All in all, you have to cry over spilled milk. If you feel like you can’t turn back your thoughts, it’s time to break the news. Professionally, it is advised to keep calm and not breaking the news to your kids too soon. Anger and sadness will control their tiny life. It is a challenging dialogue that needs to be handled efficiently.
You first need to learn how to manage your emotions. In that tone, try to ease their concern by offering them constant support before they adjust to the new changes. Remember you want to break the news of the divorce but also protect them. It all sums up to age and development stage. Don’t even think about going into deeper details; they won’t grasp a single point. Let’s find out together.
1. Let Go of Anger
Emotional pain will get a hold of you before checking in with your kids. To avoid further disappointments, its good keep your emotions at a balanced level. Expect nothing else but anger and regrets from them. The children are more likely to get angry more than you are. So, it’s best to react in a calm but conversant way. Be ready to break the news and discuss further why you have opted to divorce soon. Another thing, don’t wait for them to lend a helping hand.
2. Break the News When Together
When it comes to breaking such news, it is advised to first plan together even if you are parting ways. If possible, try to avoid arguments on who should talk more during the discussion. When both of the parents are present, a federal union will be seen. Decide on what to share as well as who will answer the kid’s questions. Make sure you’ve agreed on certain issues. Try to employ words such as “we” instead of her, him or me.
3. Explain According to Your Kid’s Age
If you have an eight-year-old and a twenty-year-old, both of ages are entirely different. This will give you a glimpse of what to say to who and not what to say. Not to mention maturity matters and the level of development on your kid issues.
For instance, if it’s an eight-year-old, you might say something like, “Sweetie, I will be moving to a separate house with you, but Daddy will always be available on weekends.” On the contrary, teenagers are obliged to follow their parent’s rules due to their age difference with other kids. So, they might opt to make their own decision which is also normal.
4. Don’t go too Deep Into Details
With an open heart, tell the kids how much you love them and how you expect them not to live a healthy life. Try to mention how they will live and go to school from now henceforth. Keep it at a balanced level at all times. If the child asks you an in-depth question, reply with “all will be well soon, I promise.”
5. Have Upright Conversations-No Blames
As much as you would want to stay, life seems to give you another turn. In that regard, don’t blame your partner or yourself. Also, don’t try to explain to the kids why you are parting ways. It’s not anyone’s fault. Keep calm and notify them that it was an agreement between you and your significant other. If squabbles seemed to rule your days, accept the responsibility and explain why you want the best for them as well as for the family. No matter the state and emotions, don’t pull the child into your discussions.
6. Follow-Up on Your Children’s Behaviors
When you’ve already broken the news to your kids, don’t settle but meddle in their affairs. You never know on their next plan or their thoughts. So try to compose yourself and let them know you are available. Probably the most incredible thing to do is to give them a chance to prove that you still love them. Repeat this till it gets on their nerves.
7. Listen To Your Kids
Children also have feelings, and you need to keep them in a balanced state, or else hell will break loose. Motivate and inspire them to talk about how they feel. Although you’ve already made up your mind, you should be more than ready to listen and talk about their frustrations. They are destined to behave in an awkward way like crying and shouting endlessly. Expect any form of reaction. Let them know that it’s okay to let go of the anger in their way.
8. Don’t Promise What You Can’t Deliver
At this sad state, parents are meant to promise heaven on earth things which aren’t available in real life. I have told you once, and I’ll repeat if need be, tell them what you are capable of doing. Also, promise them that you might be working on interesting things about them sooner or later. Also, oblige by their rules such as assuring them that they will keep close contact with their friends and loved ones.
9. Have a Close Relation with Your Kids
After your break up, learn to have a close interaction with your children. This way you’ll be able to maintain a healthy relationship with them. I know there are tons of adjustments that you have also made. However, don’t forget to set a few hours for your kids; a Sunday evening will do you well than harm. Although the kids might act like they don’t want anything to do with you, try to care for them like never before. You never know, they might be testing your patience.
There’s no doubt that a mixed of reaction will be experienced when trying to brace your new life. Note that it will take some time for your kids to get hold of the new changes. You should expect to talk to them often as you continue to process your divorce and separation. Above anything else, avoid blame games.