11 Ways to Quit Being So Nice and Learn How to Set Boundaries
It is good to have a generous personality and care for other people. Many people appreciate the help you can provide, but it can become a habit of using you whenever possible. If you have started to feel like people are using you, it is time to change things. Learning how and when to say no can dramatically change your life. Continue reading to find out how to quit being so nice and set some boundaries.
1. Identify the problem
The first step in learning to set your boundaries is to understand that you need to do so. The “takers” in your life are the people who expect you to do things for them and be there when they need you. These people might never give you anything in return. If you take a look at your life, you will notice that there are some people just like that around you. Their actions are not very obvious, but if you pay more attention, you will notice all the signs.
2. What is the reason for your actions?
Being generous is a good quality to have, but it can interfere with your life. If you feel like you are being used, but still can’t say no, you should start to look for the cause why you are acting this way. You might have some underlying issues, like lack of self-confidence or you are trying to escape your problems by helping others. Whatever the reason is, you should face it and start to deal with it.
3. Find your true friends
It is necessary to have good friends. Some people have just a few good friends that they can trust, while others seem to have a big group around them all the time. Finding who your true friends might not be an easy task. Mostly you don’t even think about it until a time of need comes. There will be people who are just using you for your time, energy and possibly material values. The people who don’t respect your boundaries and put their needs ahead of yours are not your friends. Getting away from these people can free up space in your life for true friendships.
4. Set some boundaries with your family
We don’t choose the people we are related to. The family is essential to most people. You probably also feel that you would do anything for them. But does your family feel the same way? Sometimes family members use this relationship to gain something for themselves. If you are the person who is taking care of everyone, it is time to ask for the same back.
If your family is willing to help you when you need it, then you will do fine. But if you are left alone to take care of yourself, it might be time to set some boundaries. Don’t let your emotions and sense of responsibility get in the way of your happiness.
5. Get rid of people who use you
Your childhood friend owes you a lot of money because they are currently struggling. You understand that sometimes life gets hard. But then you see pictures online from your friend’s fancy vacation, when only just a while ago, they said that things with finances are rough. You have to understand that you are not the priority for this person, and they are probably using you.
You must recognize the people in your life who only turn up when they need something from you and fail to give back. Cut off all contacts with them and things in your life will get easier. If this person wants to stay in your life, they will recognize their mistakes and try to change.
6. Don’t get involved in too much drama
Another thing that is probably getting in the way of your happiness is being constantly pulled into other people’s drama. Of course, you should listen to your friends or family when they need it. But there are also people who only call you when they are having relationship problems or something bad has happened. They need you to listen and let them vent their negative emotions. If you allow them to do this, the negative emotions will get to you, and they might even cause health issues, like anxiety and depression. Try to set boundaries and don’t get too involved with other people’s private life. Listen to them, but don’t make it your problem.
7. Stop setting your life aside
As a giving person, you enjoy to help others out. Of course, it takes time and effort from you, but it can be worth it. Helping others to set their life in order can get in the way of your own life. Don’t agree to do something for others straight away, especially if it interferes with your plans. If the person asking for your help truly respects you, they will understand that you are not able to help them this time.
8. Don’t let other people drain your energy
There are some occasions when you feel obligated to see someone. You already know that this person is asking you to visit because they need something from you. These situations can drain a lot of energy from you. You don’t want to offend anyone and ruin the relationship but think about yourself first. If you feel like you are being used, you have the right to say no.
9. Say no to your boss
When you first started working, you were trying to impress everyone with the great job you are doing. Now, a few years later, you still work the same job for the same salary, but your obligations have grown enormously. At the same time, your coworkers seem to do nothing at all. If so, it is time you start to demand what you deserve. If your boss wants you to do all this extra work, you should at least receive a pay raise. Hence, if you have been given so many obligations, it is obvious that you are valued. Demand to be treated accordingly.
10. Be a good parent to your kids
When you become a parent, your whole life changes. You kids might be the most important thing in your life, but that doesn’t mean that you have to do everything for them. It is essential to set boundaries with your kids from an early age. If you start to let them do as they please, it can not only interfere with your daily life, but it can also ruin your relationship with your partner. Having strict rules for your kids will only help them in life.
ez11. Don’t let yourself to be controlled
It is ok to be a nice person when you first meet someone. You are trying to impress them, and most people do the same. But when you are living with your partner, you should be treated with respect. Don’t get carried away with being in love. If you are dating a person who only thinks about themselves, before you know it, you will lose your personality.